The Art of Saying Absolutely Nothing in a Very Professional Way

There is a special skill you develop after spending enough time in professional environments: the ability to speak for several minutes without actually saying anything.

It sounds easy. It isn't. You can't just say, “I don't know.” That's amateur hour. You need to take “I don't know,” put it in business casual, give it a laptop, and send it into a meeting.

“We're still evaluating the situation and exploring the best path forward.”

Nobody knows.

That's what that means.

Professional language has somehow evolved into an elaborate system for taking perfectly understandable sentences and making them sound like they were approved by six people in a conference room.

And I understand why we do it. Sometimes you can't say what you're actually thinking. Sometimes you need diplomacy. Sometimes you need to buy yourself some time. And sometimes “This entire project is a shitshow and I have no idea what we're doing” needs to become “We're continuing to refine our approach.”

Same information. Much better for your employment status.

“Let's Circle Back”

This may be the most efficient way to make a subject disappear without technically refusing to discuss it.

“Should we decide this today?”

“Let's circle back.”

When?

Nobody knows.

Where is the circle?

Unclear.

Are we ever coming back?

History suggests otherwise.

“Let's circle back” is not a plan. It's witness protection for a conversation.

The subject gets a new identity, moves to another state, and is never heard from again.

“Let's Take This Offline”

This sounds technical, but usually means one of two things: either “Nobody else in this meeting needs to hear this,” or “If we continue discussing this in front of everyone, one of us is going to say something career-limiting.”

It is the professional equivalent of a parent saying, “We'll talk about this when we get home.”

Nothing good has ever followed it.

If someone says, “Let's take this offline,” and you're the person they're looking at, start reviewing the last five minutes of your behavior.

“I'll Take That Under Consideration”

This one is beautiful because it sounds thoughtful. Open-minded, even.

“I think we should completely redesign the homepage.”

“I'll take that under consideration.”

Maybe you will. Maybe you'll spend the rest of the afternoon considering it. Maybe you'll print it out and create a small shrine.

But there's also a very good chance you mean:

“No.”

The genius of professional language is that nobody can accuse you of rejecting their idea because technically you haven't. You've taken it under consideration.

Where it will remain.

Forever.

“We're Exploring All Available Options”

This phrase makes it sound like a team of highly trained specialists is currently standing around a table covered in blueprints.

Sometimes that's true.

Sometimes the available options are:

1. Fix it.
2. Ignore it.
3. Hope it fixes itself.
4. Blame whatever software everyone already hates.

But “We're exploring all available options” sounds considerably better than “Craig restarted it twice and we're out of ideas.”

It creates confidence. It creates mystery. Most importantly, it creates time.

“As Previously Discussed”

“As previously discussed” is one of the few professional phrases capable of carrying an enormous amount of hostility while remaining technically polite.

It means:

We talked about this.

You were there.

I remember it.

Apparently you do not.

There is no need to add “for the third fucking time” because everyone can hear it anyway.

That's what makes the phrase so useful. Professional language allows you to send an email that would be completely inappropriate if translated into what you actually meant.

“As previously discussed, the deadline is Friday.”

Translation:

I swear to God, Kevin.

Friday.

“I Appreciate You Bringing This to My Attention”

This can be sincere. That's important to acknowledge.

Someone tells you about a legitimate problem, you appreciate them telling you, and everyone behaves like functioning adults.

But tone is doing some serious work here.

“I appreciate you bringing this to my attention” can also mean, “I cannot believe you've made this my problem.”

Same words.

Entirely different blood pressure.

This is one of the reasons professional communication gets so complicated. The sentence itself may be perfectly polite, but everyone involved has been alive long enough to know there might be another sentence underneath it.

“At This Time”

“At this time” is an incredible addition to almost any sentence because it allows you to say no without committing to no forever.

“We aren't moving forward with that at this time.”

No.

“We aren't hiring for that position at this time.”

No.

“We don't have plans to add that feature at this time.”

Please stop emailing us about it.

“At this time” leaves a tiny window open. Maybe circumstances will change. Maybe you'll reconsider. Maybe the sun will explode before anyone follows up.

Anything is possible.

“Moving Forward”

There are innocent uses of “moving forward.”

Then there's the version that appears after something has gone terribly wrong.

“Moving forward, all expenses will require prior approval.”

Someone bought something.

“Moving forward, please make sure all client communications are reviewed before sending.”

Someone sent something.

“Moving forward, employees should not attempt to repair the office microwave themselves.”

I desperately want the previous email.

Corporate policies are sometimes just workplace trauma with formatting.

“There Seems to Have Been Some Miscommunication”

There has not necessarily been miscommunication.

Sometimes everyone communicated perfectly.

One person just fucked up.

But professional environments prefer shared custody of blame.

“There seems to have been some miscommunication regarding the deadline.”

Maybe.

Or maybe you said Tuesday, I wrote down Tuesday, the calendar says Tuesday, the email says Tuesday, and Brad has arrived on Thursday asking why everyone looks upset.

Miscommunication.

What a beautiful little word.

It enters the room, throws a blanket over the entire situation, and suddenly nobody has to say Brad's name.

“That's a Great Question”

Sometimes it genuinely is a great question.

Other times you have absolutely no fucking idea what the answer is and need approximately four additional seconds to manufacture a response.

“That's a great question.”

Thank you.

You have now purchased thinking time.

This is particularly effective in meetings, interviews and presentations because silence feels terrifying while complimenting the question makes you look engaged.

Nobody needs to know that inside your head you're currently opening every mental filing cabinet and finding nothing.

The Professional Non-Answer Is Its Own Art Form

There are levels to this.

NORMAL:

“I don't know yet.”

PROFESSIONAL:

“We're still working through a few details and should have more information soon.”

CORPORATE:

“We're aligning internally before determining the best path forward.”

CORPORATE BUZZWORD INTERN:

“We're taking a holistic approach to ensure cross-functional alignment around key strategic priorities.”

POLITICIAN NON-ANSWER:

“I think the real question we need to be asking is how we got here in the first place.”

Nobody knows.

That's the answer.

Nobody knows.

We just spent progressively more money saying it.

Sometimes Plain English Is Actually More Professional

The funny thing is that piling on professional language doesn't necessarily make you sound more capable. Research on workplace communication has found that unnecessary jargon can actually hurt how people perceive the speaker, while clearer language is often associated with confidence and competence.

Which makes sense. If you know what you're talking about, you can usually explain it without sounding like you're trying to summon a quarterly earnings report.

There's a difference between being professional and making every sentence wear a tie.

“Can you send that by Friday?” is professional.

“Let's align on deliverable expectations and establish an end-of-week completion target” sounds like Friday has joined a cult.

Clear doesn't mean casual. Direct doesn't mean rude. Sometimes the most professional thing you can do is just tell people what the hell you mean.

But Sometimes You Need the Bullshit

I'm not pretending all of this language is useless. There are situations where saying exactly what you're thinking would be catastrophic.

Your coworker sends you an idea you hate.

You cannot write:

“This makes absolutely no sense. Did you think about it before sending it?”

You need:

“Thanks for sending this over. I have a few questions about the approach.”

Your boss asks whether you can take on another project.

Your soul says:

“Are you out of your fucking mind?”

Your email says:

“I'd be happy to discuss priorities and see where this could fit.”

That's not dishonesty. That's employment.

The trick is knowing when professional language is helping you communicate tactfully and when you've buried a perfectly simple thought under 40 pounds of corporate mulch.

BiteDraft Can Make This Much Worse

Which, in this particular case, is a feature.

Take a perfectly normal sentence:

“We need toilet paper.”

Professional:

“We're running low on toilet paper and should probably pick some up.”

Corporate:

“We should address our current bathroom supply shortage.”

Corporate Buzzword Intern:

“Moving forward, we need to prioritize replenishment of critical bathroom resources to ensure household continuity.”

There it is.

A sentence nobody needed, written exactly the way nobody asked for it.

And sometimes that's the fun of changing how something sounds. The thought itself doesn't have to change. You can make it professional, diplomatic, direct, sarcastic, ridiculously corporate, or hand it to a personality who has absolutely no business discussing toilet paper.

One thought. Endless ways to say it.

BiteDraft is coming soon. Visit BiteDraft.com for launch updates.